Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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