I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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