Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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