Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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