i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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