I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just forgot I was standing up.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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