Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
