They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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