Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
