Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
