i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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