Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
