11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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