Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
