you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
