No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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