Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
