All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
