My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The air taste purple.
Randomize
