i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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