Jerry, you need to find god
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
