Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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