I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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