i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Come see our sink grown plant.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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