Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
