Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I didn't notice because vodka
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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