No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
