8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
