last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
