i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
