This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
