Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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