he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He? As in you personified your dick?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
