just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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