and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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