So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
