i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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