sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
