some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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