I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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