discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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