I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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