remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she pinky promised me she was 18
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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