I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
