I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
