PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
