Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
