i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
