His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're a waste of cheezeits
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
im on a boat
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