you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
