I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
