low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
