I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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