just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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