With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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