i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
