tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Randomize
