Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
