This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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