Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
