Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
