I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Randomize
