you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
