he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
