I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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