we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize