apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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