Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize