A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
