the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
