oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I understand Curling. That high.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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